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OOn a cold night in November 2001, I locked the bathroom door of a women’s trauma center. As I climbed into the tub and wolfed down a large bottle of pills, my phone rang. It was my mother, calling to say she was worried about me. “I’m fine, Mom, don’t worry,” I said. “I love you.” I put the phone down and picked up the razors.
My suicide attempt was the culmination of a two-year journey, much of which I spent in a psychiatric hospital for symptoms of complex post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) stemming from childhood sexual abuse and terror. I voluntarily went to the hospital and remained hopeful, but after a battery of psychiatric medications and months of abuse at the hands of a medical professional, I became despondent. There was no treatment that worked for me, no escape or safe place I could go for care. Suicide seemed the only option.
Luckily the paramedics were able to revive me and my journey of recovery began. Coming so close to death made me choose life and gave me the motivation to spend 20 years trying every clinical and alternative therapy I could find to learn to manage the symptoms.
I promised myself then that I would find a way to help some of the 13 million Americans who suffer from PTSD, a chronic condition that can strike after a traumatic event and disproportionately affects women and veterans. Untreated PTSD can leave you feeling like you have no other option but to commit suicide or live in a drug-induced stupor of depression, nightmares, anxiety, and addiction.
Help is harder to find than it should be. There has been virtually no innovation in the treatment of PTSD for over two decades. But that is about to change, I hope. The U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) will soon determine whether MDMA will be approved for the treatment of PTSD. It is our best hope to help those who are currently struggling.
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MDMA-assisted therapy would be an entirely new model of care. Over the course of 12 weeks, the treatment involves outpatient psychotherapy plus three day-long therapy sessions in which patients take MDMA. Neuroscientists say the drug produces pleasurable feelings of energy and openness, paving the way for working through trauma. While its use would be new in modern times, MDMA has been around for more than a century and was used in psychotherapy for years before it was made illegal.
There has been a resurgence of scientific interest in psychedelic drugs for mental illness, and the results of recent clinical trials of MDMA-assisted therapy have been nothing short of astonishing. In a 2023 study published in Naturopathy71% of people in the treatment group had such a significant improvement that they no longer qualified for a PTSD diagnosis, and 86% experienced clinically significant reductions in their symptoms. The results show that using MDMA in sessions is almost twice as effective as therapy sessions without the drug.
As the leader of a philanthropic fund that supports PTSD research, I am a frontline witness to the urgent need for effective treatments. One in six women experience sexual abuse, which can lead to PTSD. I receive desperate pleas for help from women all the time, and I have nowhere to send those who need it. That’s why this could be such a game-changer.
While I am not an investor in Lykos Therapeutics, the company trying to bring this treatment to market, I do philanthropically support several research centers that conduct MDMA-assisted therapy. I have seen the transformative effects on participants. “Sexual trauma often keeps women trapped in cycles of shame and silence with no real hope for change,” says Kim Roddy, COO of Sunstone Therapies and a recipient of one of our grants. “The participants we have treated have found greater autonomy, reduced their PTSD symptoms, allowed them to make different choices, and changed the course of their lives by breaking the cycles that kept them trapped.”
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Despite the promise, MDMA’s road to approval has been bumpy. In June, an FDA advisory committee made the surprising decision not to recommend approval of MDMA-assisted therapy, citing concerns about the design of some of the studies. The committee was not accustomed to including psychotherapy as a variable when assessing a drug’s effectiveness and risks. In a July 7 statement respectfully disagreeing with the committee, scientists and clinicians with expertise in drug-assisted therapy argued that concerns about study design are not significant enough to “call into question the major findings of the clinical trials,” that “serious adverse events are rare,” and that “MDMA is now approved for use with therapy in the treatment of PTSD.”
I totally agree: we are on the cusp of a breakthrough treatment for trauma.
Because the advisory committee’s recommendation is not binding, the FDA will consider their recommendation, the voices of experts, and the profound unmet needs of PTSD patient populations when it decides in August whether to approve MDMA-assisted therapy. Now is the time for trauma survivors and their families to show their support for this new approach.
Cristina Pearse, a clinical trial participant who testified before the FDA advisory committee, was just 5 years old when she was sexually abused. “PTSD is no longer my life sentence,” she said. “How many more people have to die before we approve an effective therapy?”
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The push for approval has bipartisan support. Members of Congress from both parties, along with veterans groups, some of the strongest proponents of MDMA-assisted therapy, called on the FDA to “follow the science” when they gathered at the Capitol on July 10. There, they unveiled a tombstone with nearly 150,000 dog tags to raise awareness of the fact that more soldiers have died by suicide since 9/11 than have died in war.
I feel fortunate that that cold November night over 20 years ago was not my last. Since then, I have built a meaningful career and raised a beautiful family. But every day, the scars on my wrists remind me to seize the gift of this second chance and dedicate my life to helping other victims become survivors who can truly thrive. MDMA-assisted therapy can provide a new path forward, if we are brave enough to open our minds to it.
The person who abused me threatened to torture and kill me if I ever spoke about it. The fact that I am writing this speaks volumes about how much I believe in this treatment. In fact, I plan to try it myself. Based on what I have seen from the results of both clinical trials and various studies, I hope to do a full protocol of MDMA-assisted therapy when it is legal.
Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I had had access to this groundbreaking treatment 20 years ago. I wish my younger self and my fellow patients could have had it. But it is not too late to save those who are suffering now.
If you or someone you know may be experiencing a mental health crisis or is considering suicide, call or text 988. In an emergency, call 911 or seek help from a local hospital or mental health provider.
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